Ted Blu-Ray Review

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The Movie: 3/10
I have struggled to get this review to come out of my fingertips. I did not like this movie at all. It’s not funny to me, not clever, not cute, not ironic, not even a chuckle. I really like Seth MacFarlane shows a lot. I’ve been a fan of his humor for a few years. That does not translate to Ted. It’s so completely MacFarlane humor that it’s almost like going into shock. I can handle animated Stewy or Roger telling horrible jokes, making cultural references, being inappropriate, but this CGI bear was like watching paint dry for me.

My lack of interest might mean that I didn’t really dislike it, but am so completely neutral that it causes a movie watching void in my brain. I have said what I didn’t like in the podcast, in conversations with my husband, even in a brief conversation on Twitter with someone who claims it’s the best movie ever. This Twitterer reminded me that Ted was the highest grossing non-sequel movie, or something like that. OK, this did not make me like it more, it made me less interested. Just because a bunch of other people find something funny that I find vapid it does not change my mind. Maybe that’s the thing. People think it’s supposed to be funny, they are with people who laugh their heads off at stupid shit like a bear screwing a real woman, so they go along with the crowd and actually start to believe it’s funny. Fair enough.

I won’t claim to be a movie snob. Trust me, I like lots of low brow stuff. My admission that I’m a Family Guy and American Dad fan should tell you something right off the bat. I’m not a prude. I like sex jokes, some fart and poo jokes, some slapstick comedy (done well), and the occasional completely wacky flick that makes no sense at all. It’s not that I reject Ted because of it’s lack of quality. It’s well made, looks awesome, reasonable cast, and fantastic CGI. Ted looks amazing. That is not enough to make me like it.

What could make it better for me? Remove Ted, change the plot, add better music, write dialogue that doesn’t make my brain hurt, and maybe even replace Mark Walberg. That’s all. If they are thinking of making a sequel, I will watch it. I like to give the whole concept another chance, however, unless the above requests are met I can’t make any promises.

What defines one’s taste in entertainment? It’s hard to say. A movie that’s crazy unsophisticated like Dumb and Dumber made me laugh so hard I cried multiple times. I was in my 20’s so that might explain that, but still, I found them just charming and so out of whack that I was amused in a good way. There are movies like Tree of Life that are what they are, I say they are for thinking or examining life and your perception of the meaning of life….and I love that shit!! In fact, I like to confront reality, dark reality, truth about life, tragedy and humor that’s based in living life. That might be why I have a harder time with the complete escapist brainless comedy most of the time. It’s empty.

Ted didn’t turn my crank. I didn’t even want to watch it all, and that’s VERY rare. I did make it through the end with a strong sense of “Damn, I could have watched several episodes of Alfred Hitchcock instead of that movie.” (I’m currently working my way through that show on Netflix.) If you are not me, you will probably like Ted, so go for it.



Features: 8/10

  • Deleted Scenes – 15 minutes of deleted scenes, some of them do not have finished CGI for Ted.
  • Alternate Scenes – 11 minutes of alternate takes, mostly crap but a few funny moments.
  • Teddy Bear Scuffle – A look at how the fight scene in the movie was made.
  • Gag Reel – More “Hillarious” stuff!
  • The Making Of Ted – A 25 minute making of split into 3 featurettes.
  • Feature Commentary – Seth Mcfarlane and Mark Walberg sit down and talk about the movie, it’s quite an interesting commentary (especially if you like American Dad & Family Guy) but Walberg has to leave half way through.
  • DVD & UV Digital Copy




Cover Art and Menus: 3/10
Blah blah blah blah blah. This is how my husband Mr. Ascully fills these sections of the review template before I fill them in each week. The Blah blah blah pretty much sums up my feelings and thoughts about the cover and menu. I would certainly not have this as a poster in my house.





Audio & Video: 8/10
Ted is presented on Blu-Ray using a 1080P/AVC encode that never fails to impress. Flesh tones are accurate and every patch of fur on Ted can be seen in great detail. No signs of banding or noise can be seen throughout the entire film.

The DTS-HD Master Audio track is pretty typical for a sit com style movie like TED. The rear speakers fail to make any impression only turning on during musical interludes. Dialog is always centered and clear as it should be in a talky movie like Ted.


Value: 3/10
Are you kidding? If you are determined to watch Ted proceed at your own risk. If you love it, lucky you. I wouldn’t spend the 25 bucks on this or almost any DVD/Blu-Ray, so that’s my opinion of the value. Wait for it to come on HBO and then go hang out at your friend’s house, get some pizza, play some cards, drink some beers and have Ted on in the background:)

Overall Score 4/10

About Ascully

Owner of Ascully.com. Into Movies, Videogames & Cidtalk.